Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Pulled off the Web, Joe Middle Class Republican

Okay, so I didn't write the following - but it's just too good not to pass it along. It just sums up the hypocrisy and stupidity-by-choice mighty nicely. This was found on Michael Moore's website.

August 29th, 2004 9:38 pm
A Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican
by Donna L. Lavins and Sheldon Cotler

Joe gets up at 6:00 AM to prepare his morning coffee. He fills his pot with good, clean drinking water because some liberal fought for minimum water quality standards. He takes his daily medication with his first swallow of coffee. His medications are safe to take because some liberal fought to insure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10.00 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan. Because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance, now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast -- bacon and eggs this day. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.
Joe takes his morning shower, reaching for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with every ingredient and the amount that it contains because some liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and the breakdown of its contents. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some tree-hugging liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work; it saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees. You see, some liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day; he has a good job with excellent pay, medicals benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer meets these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed he'll get worker's compensation or an unemployment check because some liberal didn't think he should loose his home to temporary misfortune.
It's noon time. Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the depression.
Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae underwritten mortgage and his below market federal student loan because some stupid liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive to dads; his car is among the safest in the world because some liberal fought for car safety standards. He arrives at his boyhood home. He was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electric[ity] until some big government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification (those rural Republican's would still be sitting in the dark).
Joe is happy to see his dad, who is now retired. Joe's dad lives on Social Security and his union pension because some liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit with dad, Joe gets back in his car for the ride home. He turns on a radio talk show. The host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't tell Joe that his beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees, "We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives. After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
In the years to come, Joe's life will change dramatically. The U.S. dollar will be devalued as a result of our huge deficit, our living standards demolished, our standing with the world diminished and our social security gone...all because some conservative republican made sure he could take care of himself and his buddies.
Aghast, i remain...

Monday, August 30, 2004

Pencil Boxes and People Watching

So, this 40 something student went back to school today for the beginning of the Fall semester. Since I normally attend classes at night after working during the day - the grim reality of an extraordinarily crowded campus during the daytime was something I was not quite prepared for. I was equally unprepared for the number of very young and inexperienced drivers trying to navigate their way through the parking structures in maneuvers too dangerous to speak of, but all accompanied by the "L.A. Wave" after said dangerous maneuver (that's the universal sign for "I'm an Idiot, Thank You!") Upon finally parking the car and rushing across campus to my 8:00 a.m. class (I'm learning to Think Critically) I became rather alarmed at how unaware I have been to the monumental impact that Paris Hilton has had on the fashion sense of the young ladies of normal, not yet perimenopausal, college age. By that I refer to the inexplicable choice of applying an over-the-top amount of spray-applied Mystic Tan to accompany long brassy blond over-bleached hair, blue contact lenses and super-duper low rise pants that barely start covering where the lips of the vulva stop. All-righty then! Then of course there are the others who still insist on wearing UGG boots with mini-skirts, which in my opinion should NEVER be worn together after age 5. Do you find my complete judgment of the current trend toward the trashy somewhat catty and harsh? Deal. It's my blog and I'll be uptight if I want to. Uptight with taste. And don't begin to think the young lads I'll be leering at over the next 18 weeks are immune to my fashion whip. I would like to draw your attention to the still present wearing of the extremely baggy pants pulled half-way down the ass, thereby exposing the boxers or briefs beneath. Now to the young wannabe urban lads that see the gangsta rappers do this - I wonder to myself - do even the gangsta rappers know anymore what they are advertising? Basically, if memory serves, it's called "Jailin" and the baggy look is an homage to when you're in prison and they don't give you a belt. Your pants kind of fall down a tad... Memories....light the corners of my mind.....okay, back on track. So, the deal is, when you wish to let some large and protective hunk of a man know that you are AVAILABLE - you make sure the pants are pulled down to expose a good amount of underwear. If you want to know that you are a really grateful and submissive person, you pull them down so that they ride just under the butt - pretty much exposing LOTS of the underwear. So.....prison memories aside - it just looks pretty stupid for some kid to be walking around like that. Not even Leer Worthy.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

THE INSECT GOD - (which explains my issues with bugs)

by Edward Gorey

O what has become of Millicent Frastley?
Is there any hope that she's still alive?
Why haven't they found her?
It's rather ghastly
To think that the child was not yet five.

The dear little thing was last seen playing
Along by herself at the edge of the park;
There was no one with her to keep her from straying
Away in the shadows and oncoming dark.

Before she could do so, a silent and glittering
Black motor drew up where she sat nibbling grass;
From within came a nearly inaudible twittering,
A tiny green face peered out through the glass.

She was ready to flee, when the figure beckoned;
An arm with two elbows held out a tin Full of cinnamon balls;

she paused;
a second Reached out as she took one, and lifted her in.

The nurse was discovered collapsed in some shrubbery,
But her reappearance was not much use;
Her eyes were askew, her extremities rubbery,
Her clothing was stained with a brownish juice.

She was questioned in hopes of her answers revealing
What had happened; she merely repeatedly said
'I hear them walking about on the ceiling'.
She had gone irretrievably out of her head.

O feelings of horror, resentment, and pity
For things, which so seldom turn out for the best;
The car, unobserved, sped away from the city
As the last of the light died out in the west.

The Frastleys grew sick with apprehension,
Which a heavy tea only served to increase;
Though they felt it was scarcely genteel to mention
The loss of their child, they called in the police.

Through unvisited hamlets the car went creeping,
With its head lamps unlit and its curtains drawn;
Those natives who happened not to be sleeping
Heard it pass, and lay awake until dawn.

The police with their torches and notebooks descended
On the haunts of the underworld, looking for clues;
In spite of their praiseworthy efforts, they ended
With nothing at all in the way of news.

The car, after hours and hours of travel,
Arrived at a gate in an endless wall;
It rolled up a drive and stopped on the gravel
At the foot of a vast and crumbling hall.

As the night wore away, hope started to languish
And soon was replaced by all manner of fears;
The family twisted their fingers in anguish,
Or got them all damp from the flow of their tears.

They removed the child to the ball-room, whose hangings
And mirrors were streaked with a luminous slime;
They leapt through the air with buzzings and twangings
To work themselves up to a ritual crime.

They stunned her, and stripped off her garments, and lastly
They stuffed her inside a kind of a pod;
And then it was that Millicent Frastley
Was sacrificed to The Insect God.

Ever wonder what was going through his mind when he wrote this about my name-sake? Ever wonder what Parents Frastley were thinking when they thought Milly was a "cute" name for me? a no-brainer that I have what they call "ISSUES" - BTW, I have discovered I am not alone with this name in the blogosphere...but I guess the name is kinda common. Like Cathy Smith.

Millicent Discovers LINKING....

Ooooh, so excited to have figured out how to use the link thingy (which I discovered when writing the previous entry about the FUN CENTER.) I admit to being still somewhat of a newbie with respect to this infernal contraption thing. Now, while I still haven't figured out how to put a list that remains up for all to see at any time of all those faboo blogs out there written by the articulate, the wry, the potty-mouthed, the enraged, the unbelievably obtuse supporters of the Bush administration......I can at least start plugging away WITHIN my entries. Soooooo, without further adieu, I will be introducing some of my favorites over the course of my next entries. They have provided me with laughter and tears - and provided the inspiration for me to enter the community of people who speak their mind without fear. To all of those I have discovered and to those I have yet to discover - BRAVO to truly exercising your right to FREE SPEECH (not to mention there are some wickedly talented writers out there that impress the size 15 shoes right off my feet.)

This 40 something woman who is fast becoming my spiritual role model (though Auntie Halstead will remain as spiritual ADVISOR...more on A.H. later) has a MUST READ blog that will have you doing spit takes at your computer screen with your morning brew.....Am I There Yet should be on everyone's reading list -

I next introduce, if you have not been graced with her rapier wit, humanity - and the ever present reminder that we humans have a hell of a lot more complexity than we like to let on while we're trying to decide what size eyelash to attach before the Friday night binge at the local watering hole. The title of this blog is a wake up call for us to check any shallow crap at the door when we click - Chez Miscarriage - is the place and getupgrrl is the fearless author.

And for those of you who like to go to the zoo, this next blog provides a valuable service if you're looking to study what happens to the people who think that "Reality TV" is actually un-scripted, real television, or that FOX News is actually news....this guy is a GENIUS (though I won't necessarily say the same for those who respond to his entries after obviously skimming over the content without actually reading) - it's worth it for both the entries and the responses.....Big Stumpers Newspage provides a lovely alternative to the insane rantings of Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter.

There will be more Plugging of the Blog later...

Adults Can Have Fun.

I just returned from apparently the ONLY fun center in the entire Southern California desert because every car in the surrounding burroughs seemed to be in the monumental parking lot. Castle Park is a jam packed and fun filled "family fun center" with everything from batting cages, arcade games (which incidentally are malfunctioning and so they stole our tokens and then wouldn't allow us to shoot the zombies), several 3 par miniature golf courses and arcade food. Fun for 4 middle aged people on a Saturday night after bad and overpriced Fondue. Also fun for every modern day parent that seems unaware of any developmental problems which might occur in their infant and toddler children that they insist on keeping up playing arcade games and miniature golf until after midnight. It boggles the mind. As far as the eye could see (which is pretty far, since the place is huge) a multitude of tiny, small, wee young children with nary a thought in their heads except the next ticket fix spitting out of the skeeball machine. C'mon Wackamole!!!! Big win, big win, don't fail me now.....I don't know about you, but starting children on a road to ruin via gambling, sleep deprivation, caffeinated sugary sodas and Skittles, is not necessarily a great idea. Maybe it's just me. I was always in bed no later than nine when I was a four year old - but then again teachers were still allowed to spank unruly students back then in the dark ages, so maybe the whole bedtime rule has been considered abusive or unreasonable - stifling the creativity and free spirited nature of the child if you will - instead, bedtime has been replaced by nurturing addictive behavior, TeeVee and very little bedtime reading. And as far as the older ones who are old enough to be out but still not able to drive legally - I have a few words....Super low rise jeans make you look stupid. No matter how great your ass is, NO ONE LOOKS GOOD WITH BUTT CRACK.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Why are L.A. women such Pigs?

Okay, so hello there and welcome. Today's rant is bound to get someone riled up and I say GOOD. It should. I have no idea when the culture of the town that I live in became so entitled that women no longer have to behave with any sense of consideration or basic knowledge that their behavior in a public restroom constitutes that of a barnyard animal. Now, before I go on, I want to make clear that this is a phenomenon I have witnessed ONLY IN LOS ANGELES (and surrounding Pasadena) and that other major cities in the country, like Manhattan for example, do not engage in the practice I am about to disclose. I will go on to say, since I just used Manhattan as an example, that in New York they do not provide toilet seat covers in most public restrooms. And yet, the women seem to choose to behave like human beings - even when using the public restroom at the ZOO. Public restrooms in Los Angeles (and surrounding Pasadena) do provide seat covers. No matter. The common practice is to squat over the seat without touching it, thereby urinating willy nilly all over the toilet seat and then leaving it that way for the next woman to happen upon. Only in L.A. I have taken it upon myself on occasion after walking unsuspectingly into a stall after someone, only to happen upon an extraordinary amount of bodily fluids contained everywhere but in the bowl, to come out of the stall and let the woman know that she is a complete pig and should be ashamed of herself. One of these women was a 40 something white woman wearing pearls and chiffon dress. In surrounding Pasadena. At what point did the culture of L.A. become sooooo entitled that women can discard centuries of manners? Do they think that the poor individual being paid less than minimum wage and no benefits deserves to clean up that kind of crap? I say women, COMPLAIN AND ROAR. Do not accept the entitled Pig. And make sure those who have daughters tell their daughters as well. And granddaughters. The Pig is not Welcome.