Politicians and Their Penises -- DOH!

What is up with politicians and their runaway penises? Honestly.

How about this:

Her: “If you sleep with someone other than me and I find out about it, the outcome is very simple. You will come home to find the locks changed and your crap in the middle of the street outside. Done and done.”

Him: “Likewise.”

The couple high five, cheer, chest bump and sit down together to watch So You Think You Can Dance.

That’s how it’s done. This business of standing stoically by your man at a press conference as he humiliates your coupledom on national television – is absolute hogwash. To be fair, I suppose I should say “stand by your man OR woman”, though I have yet to see a female politician spend tax payer money on getting a boy toy a staff position. Nor have any of us seen the aftermath of a she-powerful-public-servant haplessly running off to a foreign country because she just can’t get enough of that sweet boy ass. The second he OR SHE ventured outside the marriage agreement, they lost all privileges in the “I’ll stand you, no matter what” department. Especially if the idiot is in a career that involves exposure to television, FaceBook, Twitter, YouTube, Fox News, etc. . .

We do not live in a country that has a good or healthy relationship with sex – and there are many who are paid good money to state on camera that sex is evil and dirty and icky and something to be very, very afraid of. So if you are actually having THE SEX and you are one of those people who let us know how evil and dirty and icky and something to be very, very afraid of it is, make super duper sure that you are having the kind of sex that you yourself have endorsed in public as being permissible. That would be the male/female only kind that is all about having babies and not about having fun or joy or pleasure at all. Make super duper uper guper sure you are not having the type of sex that you have openly condemned as evil and dirty and icky and something to be very, very afraid of. Is it just me? Doesn’t that seem like a no-brainer?

We do not need Maureen Dowd (though I adore her even while her snark is akin to drinking straight lemon juice first thing in the morning) writing an advice column for “wives of politicians” when their politician husbands dip their pen in somebody else’s inkwell. Seriously. When it DOES happen (and happen it will because the biggest protestors when it comes to sex are always the biggest closet kinks) the Associated Press should then treat it accordingly:

“Another public servant in the area of politics disgraced his spouse and family today by publicly admitting to an extramarital affair. This is pathetic, sad and unworthy of further comment.”

Isn’t there still poverty, or war, or a failed economy, or a flu, or extreme weather, or a food recall, or [insert topic here]. . . that is infinitely more important to know about?