Michael Phelps, Pizza and the Ballet. And Coffee. What???

There seems to be some stereotype out there . . . .okay, hang on. Start over. There are actually thousands of stereotypes out there. Seriously. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on how many there actually are? They pay top dollar for any number of studies – for example there was recently a study that determined that women over 40 who drank two cups of coffee per day were more likely to wear blue than pink and that women who drank only one cup of coffee per day were as likely to choose black (an absence of color) as they would any actual color, but that pink and blue were not one of their choices. Who funded this study and how did it get to the stage where the results were not only taken seriously, but they were taken so seriously as to PUBLISH the results of the study? Okay, that never happened, but you get the idea.

I digress. I’m talking about the stereotype where the MAN is dragged by his nagging FEMALE partner, wife, significant other, MOM, whatever -- off to the ballet against his will. He would rather be anywhere else. Countless commercials selling countless MAN-CENTRIC products (e.g. the ESPN cable package; the buy one pizza, get another one for a dollar at Pizza Hut) that use the dreaded ballet scenario to make their point to us FEMALES that MEN DO NOT LIKE THE BALLET. Unless of course they are gay, henpecked, or too old and lacking in virility to care WHERE they are, as long as it is somewhere. No means no, ladies!!!! Have you no humanity???

MANPANTS and I went to the ballet on Sunday. Specifically American Ballet Theatre’s production of Romeo and Juliet. Oh, I know what you’re thinking. How’d you manage to get him to go? Simple, people.

I said I’d like to go.

We were sitting there watching So You Think You Can Dance – ahem, excuse me? Was that a chuckle? Yeah, we watch. We also pick up the phone and vote. I challenge any professional baseball player – hell I challenge Michael-Freakin’-Phelps to attempt the athleticism required to do what these kids are asked to do each week. May I continue? Thanks. Nigel Lythgoe, the producer of the show, mentioned that ABT was in LA doing Romeo and Juliet. I turned to MANPANTS and said, “I want to go.” He said, “Do you?” I said “Yup.” We looked it up on the Interweb, selected tickets we could afford -- more or less --and made our purchase. Thanks Nigel.

We went yesterday. It was 106 degrees of dry, hot, blazing awfulness outside. It was 74 degrees of lovely, air conditioned bliss in the theatre. For three hours we got to sit on comfy seats, listen to Prokofiev’s masterpiece and watch dancers create a tragic, tear-worthy story, all while doing things we mere mortals can never hope to accomplish with our bodies, no matter how many times we do the American Ballet Theatre Home Workout DVD.

Afterwards, we treated ourselves to a lovely little meal at California Pizza Kitchen – okay it WOULD have been a lovely little meal if CPK hadn’t started with that most foul and evil of practices -- namely the listing of calorie count next to all of their menu items. Who’s fucking idea was that????? Is this where we have gone? We live in L.A. where everyone has to be a sample size (2) and Botox themselves into oblivion and count every calorie because God Forbid one should ingest ANYTHING during the day other than the pack of Marlboro Reds you are smoking to keep yourself at sample size (2) and did I really need to know that my pasta with asparagus and spinach was 1163 calories per serving?????????? Fuck you, California Pizza Kitchen.

We had a really nice day.