Bad Fashion Choices, Chapter II

At a rather fabulous Labor Day brunch,

- side note - do you think Walmart has Labor Day specials? -

I was sitting enjoying a perfectly delectable dish of fresh fruit, cottage cheese and granola, when what walks by but another pair of short work-out shorts with a word across the ass. I believe it said something like "Juicy." Nice. Now, I know that is the name of a clothing line, but I'm not quite sure who was at the meeting the day they thought that was a good word to put on the ass of their shorts. I believe that "Juicy" was actually the originator of the Words On The Ass phenomenon. Are they referring to the delectableness of the juicy pair of ass cheeks in the shorts, or to the fact that the owner could probably use some Immodium AD? I have seen other contributors to the theme: "Slammin, "Hot Stuff," and other neato advertisements for the ass underneath the shorts. The best one I've seen to date, however, was at the campus bookstore of one of the most prestigious Ivy League Universities in our country, i.e. Princeton University, that actually had the trailer park chutzpah to put "P.U." on the back of their shorts. Say it aloud. Think about it. How genteel. How very Social Register.

Now, since our fellow Americans seem hell bent on emulating the most refined of personal images, I offer a few suggestions as to further Wording for Work-out Wear. (Golly, I love alliterations.)

Let's start with the obvious: Traffic Signs

1. No Parking
2. Loading Zone
3. No Entry
4. Parking in Rear (okay a tad obvious)
5. Exit Only (REALLY obvious)
6. Danger, Falling Rock
7. Wide Load
8. One Way
9. Watch for Pedestrians

How about: Books/Movies?

1. Great Expectations
2. Jaws
3. No Way Out
4. No Exit (Okay, that's a Play)
5. Wait Until Dark
6. Of Mice and Men
7. Field of Dreams
8. Chocolat
9. Rear Window

Oooooh, and since this is L.A., how about the Screen Actors Guild start their own line of Butt Word Wear. It would of course, read:

SAG

I'm quite sure that I could plumb the depths of my brain to find more suggestions. And they'd probably sell.