Monday, August 08, 2005

If You Think You’re on the Top of the World – Be Careful. The Toilet Seat Might Just Break Under Your Ass.

More about that later.

Bless me Bloggers for I have strayed. It has been weeks since my last….whatever you want to call it.

I have been on an emotional holiday. That’s what people who haven’t taken a vacation in twelve years do. Go a little mad and find alternatives to Aruba in their mind. During my emotional holiday, I have managed to torture Manpants only a little bit. I’ve been doing a fair amount of cooking. I find cooking a therapeutic way of meditating that is far more productive than staring at a lit candle while chanting “OM.” Everyone gets to eat the results of the meditation – so that’s just darn practical all around. I have painted our bedroom a lovely sage green with accompanying nifty faux finish treatment on the closet doors – I figure that if I literally paint my way out of the corner I figuratively got myself into, I’ll feel better. I have, of course, been working at my day job and through this wacky activity called exercise, I have been attempting to get my 40-something self in fighting-form shape for my impending birthday and the start of the Fall semester at school. I have been busying myself by avoiding probing questions about how long it is going to take me to get through college, since the: “I-work-for-a-living-and-go-to-school-at-night-so-it’s-going-to-take-me-longer-than-the-average-independently-wealthy-or-parentally-financed-non-working-person-I’ll-send-you-an-announcement-when-I-graduate-if-I-don’t-die-of-disbelief-or-fall-off-the-wagon-and-show-up-naked-on-your-doorstep-nursing-a-magnum-of-champagne” response seems to put people off just an eensy bit. I participated in a Spin-a-Thon for a charity to benefit an arts program for the LA school system. The event raised enough money to run the program for another full year, so it felt mighty nice to be a part of that. I have, in addition to the aforementioned, been watching re-runs of McMillan and Wife, McCloud and Hawaii Five-O – none of which aged well and are just awful teeVEE entertainment, but Jack Lord’s hair makes me giggle and Susan Saint James was the Téa Leoni of her day.

Which brings me to the word/topic of the day, which is: CONFIDENCE. Doesn’t Téa Leoni seem to just drip with it?


1. A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.
2. The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your/my ability to succeed.

Of, relating to, or involving a swindle or fraud: a confidence scheme; a confidence trickster.

The trickster part of the definition is what I seem to get more of – at my own expense. Which is where the whole toilet seat thing comes in . . . yes. It happened to me. Pinched me first - not in a good way - then just broke in half and knocked me off the toilet - arms and legs flying.

I firmly believe that this is God’s way of constantly reminding me not to take myself too seriously. . .

. . . and that bathroom humor will always reign supreme.


Anonymous Tilly said...

Just came across your blog and I'm so pleased I did. This is my kind of writing! I'm now going to attempt to subscribe or whatever it's called on this site (will probably fail being almost totally computer illiterate!) But I'll be back one way or another.

09 August, 2005 10:35  
Blogger Catharine said...

See? All that spinning, and the toilet seat still breaks under your ass. Irony's a harsh mistress.

Look, Mil... it's you and me, kid. I'm almost done with my BA, but I'm older than you. And once the BA is done, I go (hopefully) straight into the masters program for 2 years. All while working full-time. So it's you and me. Here and now. We put our heads down and just keep moving forward one course at a time. Sooner or later, they're going to get sick of us, and they'll hand us a diploma just to get rid of us.

That's my theory, anyway. So we can do this. And once we do it, new vistas will be open to us. And we'll be able to pay back our student loans.

Deep breath in.... Deep breath out...

Off we go.


09 August, 2005 11:27  
Blogger R said...

Hey, I stayed so long in college my mother actually called the school up and asked if they indeed handed out bachelors degrees or if they were operating some sort of black hole bank for her money. But seriously, just admit that you are taking a long time because of all the young healthy boy meat that surrounds you daily. Go on...
I looooooooove Macmillan and wife. I drive my husband crazy watching it. Whenever I want something I just say "But Maaaaaaac" in that soft baby way Susan St. James says it. I think he gives in so I'll stop doing it.

I'm glad your back. Paint stains and all.

09 August, 2005 12:15  
Blogger JC said...

For someone on vacation you sound way, way too busy. I am feeling guilty sitting here blog surfing while you are talking about painting and spinning so stop it already!

10 August, 2005 09:53  
Blogger Tracey said...

Good to see you back again. Your blog is always so interesting and well-written. It's good to hear that you're feeling better, as well. :) (Well, except for the toilet seat. I'd just blame it on cheap construction practices nowadays and be done with it! lol)

10 August, 2005 20:48  
Blogger Laura said...

Congrats on the spinathon. I'm proud to support you!

As for the how long it takes to get through school thing....lessee. Started my master's in 1988. What year is it now? Oh yeah, 2005. But I'll be proud to earn the longest most expensive master's degree in history, complete with taking multiple courses TWICE. Very proud.

11 August, 2005 11:35  
Blogger frstlymil said...

Thanks, Tilly, and welcome!
Catharine, Rhonda and Laura - thank you - just keep grounding me with those reminders that I'm not alone, but on the contrary, I am in fact in the company of giants.
Tracey - You are absolutely right. The breaking of the toilet seat was strictly a matter to be blamed upon construction. And that's the story I'm sticking to.
JC - Since I'm only on vacation in my mind - and I have a VERY busy mind - I have to balance the mind with a busy body or everyone around me will suffer terribly.

11 August, 2005 15:16  
Anonymous Manpants here said...

Millicent does not lie - if she doesn't balance the mind with a busy body everyone around her does suffer terribly. I'm around her most.

11 August, 2005 17:17  
Blogger frstlymil said...

Honey - you're just saying that so you never get asked to paint.

11 August, 2005 23:17  

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