BULK FOLDER

Don’t get me wrong. There is, I am sure, a place for what I am about to share with you and I believe that place to reside somewhere between a rat infested abandoned trailer and a porn set in Woodland Hills or maybe a Reality teeVEE show development office, but what I do wish to state unequivocally is that I am not a forty-something woman who downloads The Porn. Nor have I followed anything that has anything to do with Paris Hilton, other than once, unintentionally. That one time prompted me to scream a huge EEEEEWWWWWWW after flipping through a magazine only to happen upon a Guess Ad featuring her sitting there, chicken legs spread wide apart with her Chihuahua placed in front of her crotch like a merkin... Where is the SPCA when this stuff is going on?...Okay, I’m getting off topic...Where was I...oh yeah. I do not intend to collect Pope memorabilia, nor do I intend to become a middle-aged wife type person looking to score hot young men to have group sex with and then video it for internet publication later; I do not intend to WATCH middle-aged wife type persons having group sex. I don’t take drugs stronger than aspirin, since there was a time and place for that and it was called The 80’s; I don’t need to enlarge my penis, since I don’t have one; I don’t need to enlarge my breasts, which I DO have; I know what it’s like to lose one’s virginity, having lost my own years ago, so I most assuredly do not need to watch someone else lose theirs.

I might however, wish to take advantage of a Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks giveaway.

I just wanted to preface that. That and to state that the word of the day is Merkin. A pubic wig for women. Merkin. Try to find a reason to use it in a sentence. I swear it will make you giggle.

Okay...the aforementioned out of the way, I wish to share with you the contents of my Bulk Mail Folder that arrived between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m. this morning. On a gorgeous Sunday morning while the sun was shining and the birds were chirping. I had just returned from a lovely hike where I communed with Nature, ran a little, hiked a little, picked up after my dogs a little – okay a lot...and feeling mighty refreshed and spiritual after all that Nature, I came home, ate a little breakfast, went to check e mail and:

· Should Paris Hilton be punished? Answer now and get a complimentary pink cell phone!
· Mature MILF action! Check it out! The hottest here!
· Yours to Keep – New Kmart Gift Card Valued at $1000!
· Watch first timers get banged and enjoy it!
· Dunkin donuts or Starbucks Coffee Gift Card Giveaway!
· Get a complimentary Sony VAIO Notebook!
· Larger Breasts Now!!!!!
· Cut Federal Student loan paybacks in Half!
· Cardiologist slashes cholesterol in clinical trial!
· Mature women bare all!
· Penis enlargement pills here!
· Now her love life might be better than yours!
· Cell phone product testers needed!
· Bonnie’s first time giving a B.J.!
· Hot blonde, teenage lesbians on video here!
· Pope John Paul II Commemorative!
· Vioxx – 50 pills for $60!
· Videos of hotties giving their first @#$!
· Aged to perfection, mature women bare all!
· Yolanda’s first time in bed and! @#$@$#@$ it!
· Herbal Breast Enlargement!
· Get a Free T-Mobile Sidekick Cell Phone!
· For $1000 cash, Is Michael Jackson Guilty?
· Get up to $500 by tomorrow!
· Fastest UP in 20 minutes!
· Tomorrows Stocks on the run!
· Trade Alert !
· Narcotics such as Pitocin may interfere with other drugs…
· (and yet another) Pope John Paul II commemorative!

Hmmmmm. After reviewing the list again, I think that perhaps Paris Hilton SHOULD be punished for sexually exploiting her Chihuahua.