Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Yeesh, It's HOT in here!

So...today, I’m minding my own business, eating my lunch at my mandatory-by-law-un-paid-half-hour-lunch break, when all of a sudden in the middle of a bite of my delicious stuffed pepper from Trader Joes while listening to another fabulously hilarious anecdote by Halstead...IT HITS...a strange overly warm feeling came over me. No, it wasn’t an orgasm, (which would be highly unlikely at any time or for any reason between the hallowed walls of the cubicle farm where I work, not to mention the very thought of the lengths one would have to go to in order to ATTEMPT to feel sexy in that overly flourescent and oppressive environment is just gross)...and it certainly wasn’t the Holy Spirit. It was more like what a Niacin flush feels like if any of you have ever done that. I used to do them a lot back in the 80’s when I would try to detox myself off something - not sure what I was detoxing over, it could have been anything. It was the 80’s. Anyway, this was kind of like that, except that it hit much more rapidly and without the warning skin itchiness that precedes a Niacin flush...No, this was like being hit by a Hot Bomb that exploded from the inside of the inner core of my being and generated out in about a nano-second. Jane, one of the social-workers, was sitting across the table from me when it hit. She looked at me and cocked her head to one side.

She knew.

“Okay, wow, boy, having a hot flash,” I said.

“Yes, you certainly are,” said Jane.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen – it’s not enough that living in Los Angeles ensures that you are unemployable after age 40 (kind of L.A.’s version of a "Logan’s Run" Utopia, where if it was legal they’d just put us to death), but along with the gradual refining that comes with age – a line here, a gray hair there, a few more minutes on the treadmill and a couple more lunges and crunches needed than there used to be...no, it’s not enough to be attempting to age gracefully in the town listed at #1 on the Ageism scale...when you can have THIS!

Menopause in Los Angeles.

Sounds like the title to a country and western song doesn’t it? Or a punk band.

5 Comments:

Blogger R said...

Oh my GOOOOOOOOD!!!! You mean I could finish having my babies and then go into menopause like THE NEXT YEAR?!! What? No way. Tell me your making this up. That someone cranked up the furnace, that your blood pressure is up (okay, well,not that one). But Menopause? At 4O-SOMETHING? I was having a good day Millicent... THANKS.

26 January, 2005 09:25  
Blogger Learner said...

Thank you for visiting my Blog. Yours is certainly more real time than mine. Very funny although I suspect that it was not funny to you at the time.
The ageism thing hit me about sixty. But then I'm male. Now it is almost impossible to find a professional job.
I will put a link on my blog to yours (will make my wife happy)

26 January, 2005 11:36  
Blogger Jet said...

Nothing more reality based than the old hot flash. Cruising along, feeling a little cha cha, looking saucy and WHAM! It's like the fires of hell and gravity got together and said, "Hey! Let's lay a mess of melt-down on that one!"

What could possibly be more fun? Try flashing in Florida, land of the 11 month summer...

26 January, 2005 12:48  
Blogger Laura said...

Ah, I know the feeling. It's the one good thing about Minnesota winters. Honestly, I rarely feel cold, and sometimes that frigid air is JUST what the doctor ordered. What a change from 10 years ago when I was always freezing under the covers at night while John would want to open a window....now the tables are turned, and if he awakes in the middle of the night to find me lying on top of the covers, naked, and dripping in sweat, it does NOT mean anything like what he wishes it meant.

26 January, 2005 14:06  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I really like yours. You are summarily bookmarked.

26 January, 2005 17:05  

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