NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, 2005 STYLE
For the News Years resolutions of 2005, I hereby resolve to:
1. Drink and smoke from the time I awaken in the morning until I pass out at night, daily, causing everyone within 5 feet from me to move away from my lethal stench.
2. Eat as much starch, cheese, chocolate, cheese, olestra free potato chips, cheese, ice cream, cheese, and cheddar-Parmesan goldfish in one sitting as humanly possible - at least 3 times a week.
3. Live a completely exercise free lifestyle.
4. Show up for work late.
5. Call in sick often.
6. Make loud and inappropriate noises from my cubicle at work.
7. Watch the TeeVee every day.
8. Throw temper tantrums in public often.
9. Be as California rude to as many people per day as I come in contact with.
10. Hug people who drive Hummers and thank them for contributing to the economy.
11. Talk about my bodily functions in a graphic manner at the dinner table.
12. Stop reading entirely.
13. Embrace mediocrity entirely.
14. Speak my mind without diplomacy or editing.
15. Be more proactive and agressive about leering at men half my age.
16. Eat as much starch, cheese, chocolate, cheese, olestra free potato chips, cheese, ice cream, cheese, and cheddar-Parmesan goldfish in one sitting as humanly possible - at least 5 times a week.
I really hope I can do this. In the past I have not been able to stick to even one resolution, and have often ended up doing quite the opposite. I have a good feeling that 2005 will be different. It's all about optimism.
posted by frstlymil @ 12/30/2004 11:23:00 AM
3 Comments:
I dunno, I was really excited about number 15. I do it. Is that a bad thing? I'm also guilty of number 11. But that is after I got paid by a pharm company to show up at doctors offices with lunch, so that we could discuss the problem of herpes. Old habits die hard. "If we can just get the sore down to the size of a pea...hey you gonna eat that pickle?"
Thanks for the visit and leaving a comment. I am sure you will be able to achieve your new year resolutions if you try hard enough to fight off oppositions and threats. And if you do succeed, don't forget to leave a old bottle of whisky on the shelf will you? I am coming by. LOL!!!
FIVE WHOLE DAYS is a long time to wait for a new post. Hope all is well, and your not killing yourself over there trying to keep up with all of these New Year Resolutions. I'm thinking of making #2 one of mine in solidarity.
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