Tamales, Worms and Germ Therapy

I was watching a commercial for some sort of household cleaning product, where the pretty, yet bland mother answers the door pleasantly to a child there for “play date” with Junior. The child rushes in to play with a VERY high end model train set owned by Junior. Pretty soon the child sneezes, and the pretty, yet bland mother LOOKS CONCERNED. We, the viewing public, see computer-generated snot germs float from the sneeze onto one of the toy trains. No worry! Pretty, yet bland mom is there with her cleaning product to kill those snot germs on the spot!!!!

Ever notice how the kids from the cleanest and most sterile homes are always sick?

Since I still eat street food whenever humanly possible – and that includes those absolutely phenomenal tamales that people make in their bathtubs and then sell them from food carts around the neighborhood. And guess what? I haven’t had to call in sick from food poisoning since...okay, since ever. If I did, it was because I was hung over and really needed the day off and wasn’t really because of food poisoning, or it was from a three hundred dollar dinner at some place on La Brea. I think George Carlin calls it “germ therapy.” It’s important to have your daily dose of germs, otherwise how do you expect to be inoculated from anything? The flu sucks, dude, eat a tamale!!!!! I think it quite important to live a little. (Except where bugs are concerned but that's a previous rant.)

Which brings me to an absolutely FABOO email that I received today that brought it all back, and I wish to hell I knew who originated it, so they could be properly credited and bowed down to...The email deals with the old days. Since I was born before Calculators hit the market as a big ticket piece of technology to replace the slide rule...I think I can refer to them as such. I invite you to read the following, and maybe some of you will remember this stuff.

"TO THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1940's, 1950's, 1960's and 1970's...

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.

After that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no internet or internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment [rather than have their parents threaten to sue the league]. Imagine that.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They usually sided with the law.

Here’s to those who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!"


wooHOOO! I'm gonna eat me some CAKE!!!!!