Thursday, January 20, 2005

Tamales, Worms and Germ Therapy

I was watching a commercial for some sort of household cleaning product, where the pretty, yet bland mother answers the door pleasantly to a child there for “play date” with Junior. The child rushes in to play with a VERY high end model train set owned by Junior. Pretty soon the child sneezes, and the pretty, yet bland mother LOOKS CONCERNED. We, the viewing public, see computer-generated snot germs float from the sneeze onto one of the toy trains. No worry! Pretty, yet bland mom is there with her cleaning product to kill those snot germs on the spot!!!!

Ever notice how the kids from the cleanest and most sterile homes are always sick?

Since I still eat street food whenever humanly possible – and that includes those absolutely phenomenal tamales that people make in their bathtubs and then sell them from food carts around the neighborhood. And guess what? I haven’t had to call in sick from food poisoning since...okay, since ever. If I did, it was because I was hung over and really needed the day off and wasn’t really because of food poisoning, or it was from a three hundred dollar dinner at some place on La Brea. I think George Carlin calls it “germ therapy.” It’s important to have your daily dose of germs, otherwise how do you expect to be inoculated from anything? The flu sucks, dude, eat a tamale!!!!! I think it quite important to live a little. (Except where bugs are concerned but that's a previous rant.)

Which brings me to an absolutely FABOO email that I received today that brought it all back, and I wish to hell I knew who originated it, so they could be properly credited and bowed down to...The email deals with the old days. Since I was born before Calculators hit the market as a big ticket piece of technology to replace the slide rule...I think I can refer to them as such. I invite you to read the following, and maybe some of you will remember this stuff.

"TO THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1940's, 1950's, 1960's and 1970's...

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn't get tested for diabetes.

After that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no internet or internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little league had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment [rather than have their parents threaten to sue the league]. Imagine that.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They usually sided with the law.

Here’s to those who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!"

wooHOOO! I'm gonna eat me some CAKE!!!!!


Blogger Laura said...

LOL! I love it! What drives me crazy is the whole helmet thing. It seems if your kid doesn't have a helmet on, pretty much all the time, then you are a bad mother. Nowadays they of course need helmets for bikes, but also for rollerskating, riding horses, and there's even a move to require helmets for soccer. There was a skit on SNL a few years back, a fake ad for "House of Helmets", which sells a helmet for absolutely everything. It shows the salesperson demonstrating how your "kitchen helmet" can keep you from injuring yourself when you bump into cabinets and so forth.

21 January, 2005 05:30  
Blogger R said...

And being someone who worked in healthcare...lets add to that "mothers did not take you to the doctor at the slightest sniffle and then INSIST on getting an antibiotic for a VIRUS" This problem has gotten so bad that doctors now have to post signs in their offices, warning of the risks on the population as a whole if everyone starts taking antibiotics for no damned good reason. Sometimes, women...there is no magic pill. Sometimes you actually have to stay home and care for/put up with your child till the thing passes. Imagine that?! And will have to pay for an office visit and leave, sans medicine, after being told this. Get over it.
Also..I remember leaving our house on a summers day and not coming home till dark. Everyday. That is what you did. You got on your bike..and off you went. Everyone in the neighborhood knew one another..and if you got up to mischief..your parents knew about it before you walked in the door. Now, I couldn't pick my next door neighbor out of a crowd of two and children aren't in the front of their house without their parents RIGHT THERE. You drive down my street on a Saturday afternoon and it's a ghost town. Kids in every house..but you'd never notice. Sad.

21 January, 2005 09:10  
Blogger R said...

Oh and as for the Texas we go to places we refer to as "Hole in the wall" When your meal comes from a "hole in the wall" (meaning, run down, no frills establishment and/or taco stand) you know your in for SERIOUS good eats!

21 January, 2005 09:27  
Blogger PATCAM2005 said...

If you are constantly using the 'anti-bacterial' soaps and cleaners, aren't you virtually cutting yourself off of the imunity building factor. Sure, you can be safe when you are in your own home, but when you go to work, or school or whatever, aren't you going to be lacking the antibodies that your body makes for germs? We need to embrace all of our germs, have tolerance or something like that...

I urge everybody to go to the bus station and lick the arm rails.

21 January, 2005 15:33  
Blogger ThomasMcCay said...

Suddenly I realize how clever my beastes are to lick crumbs and drooped food off the kitchen floor. All this time I thught they were compulsive scavangers.

Now I realize it is a part of the doggy health plan. The dogs are all healthy as hell and now I know why.

Why should they have all the benefits of a dirty kitchen floor? Now that I understand the health benefits clinging to the surface of the kitchen floor, I want my share. Move over dog.

24 January, 2005 16:58  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

All true. But - we grew up to create blogs like The Lucidity and Lunacy of Millicent Frastley and Dead Guy.

I rest my case.

Although I'm not sure what case I was trying to make.

26 January, 2005 17:09  
Blogger BustersDad said...

I think you are absolutely right! Kids were supposed to get dirty--that's why we had "play clothes", "school clothes" and "church clothes".

I recently have noticed that some communities appear to be more interested in this “germphobic” trend. During a recent snow day I was watching the Country Music Channel and a friend and I both noticed that every other commercial during the Country Music Top 20 was for something that contained bleach or killed germs. Since CMT is not a station that I regularly watch, I am blaming it on the margaritas, the difference in ads (compared to Comedy Central and the local Fox affiliate) was striking. Are those country folks dirtier than the Comedy Central viewers or do they just think that they are?

02 February, 2005 14:29  
Blogger Cranky Liberal said...

You know, I have this idea that all of these anti-bacterial soap's and gells and sprays are really a plot by aliens to pull a reverse"War of the Worlds" on us. We are going to sanatize our immune system out of existence. That's why I won't by that stuff.

And bathtub tamales are the best :)

05 February, 2005 06:39  

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