Wednesday, September 08, 2004

CUBICLE FANTASIES

I woke up this morning thinking it would be really madcap and zany if I did something at my Cubicle-Day-Job that was decidedly NON-Cubicle. Like bring in a chain saw and cut a window into the next cubicle over. The next cubicle over belongs to a very demure and refined woman named Louise who really needs to loosen up a little. With a window between our workspaces, I would then be able to disturb and interrupt her work at any time, and could chat endlessly about things which make her uncomfortable. Or I would devote work time to the improvement of my workspace. I would stop at Z-Gallery on the way in to work and put it on my attendance sheet as a work related trip to a "vendor," pick up a couple of those dreamy velvet drapery panels (in Red – the Feng Shui is just screaming for Red). I would then buy a spiffy rod, and with the aid of my Ryobi hand-held, (for those of you not familiar with the Ryobi hand-held, it is NOT an exotic form of vibrator – though come to consider it, the Ryobi DOES fill me with girlish thoughts of men in orange jump suits) I would put up a fabulous door covering over my cubicle opening – thereby creating an element of privacy and homey, velvety goodness in the atmosphere of my workspace. I feel that I would be far more productive with this arrangement. Maybe add a few accent pillows in case I need a quick 45 minute power nap. Additionally, instead of that 2 P.M. triple espresso and hunk of chocolate to get me going again, I could do something healthy. With the assistance of my cubicle. Like use the nubby cloth covered walls as supports for some sort of physical exercise. Like CUBICLE YOGA. I could invite my co-workers to join me. It'd be a hoot. For a healthy afternoon snack-type pick-me-up, maybe I could start cooking mackerel and broccoli every day in the office microwave and then eat it in my cubicle. The delicious smell wafting from my food that would permeate every nook and “cubicle” (snort snort) would have everyone jealous of me. They too, would want to have a window into Luise's cubicle and velvet drapes. They would KILL to eat mackerel every day in their cubicles. They would want to be JUST LIKE ME.

Or perhaps they’d shun me for about a week and then just fire my ass.

The thought fills me with Glee.

3 Comments:

Blogger Laura said...

I love it. And after cooking the mackeral you could remark loudly to your co-worker, "Something smells FISHY around here." I bet she'd like that.

You would definitely have the most fabulous cubicle in Cubicle Land. Do they call them "cubes" at your job? That's what we called them.

09 September, 2004 11:37  
Blogger frstlymil said...

The people here call them cubicles. I call them "The Evil Little Pods of Mind Sucking Death."

09 September, 2004 16:27  
Blogger R said...

Okay...I HAVE said drapes!@ May I suggest Martini Olive by Behr as your coordinating paint color. Veddy soothing. And green is good money making feng shui.

30 September, 2004 13:42  

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