Tuesday, November 09, 2004

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME....

I’ve decided that today I’m going to escape from the real world into complete women’s magazine shallow superficiality. Instead of thinking, worrying about or volunteering for, some cause in the world, today I will escape by obsessing about the perfect seasonal lipstick and winter moisturizer. I will buy a new mascara because the magazine told me to discard the one I have if it is over a month old. The magazine said that my trusted concealer choices are passé so I will sample the new multi-hued concealers…like Blue. I might try that new toothpaste that is supposed to build up my enamel while simultaneously whitening my smile. I will shop for gloves to wear over that nifty new cuticle conditioner. And maybe a hat. I think gloves and hats are pretty and more women should wear them.

I will think about completing the practice test for the math exam I must re-take on Thursday……later.

I had occasion to be at a star studded fundraiser over the weekend. Most of the stars were from the Broadway stage and so had not made huge alterations to their faces and bodies. Most of them came from backgrounds that included dance, so proportionally they were all fit and lookin’ good, no matter how old. There WERE however many patrons there of the L.A. variety. Those types were generally seen sporting one-out-of-the-standard-five-approved-nose shapes and had that very specific look to the skin that can only be achieved by excessive chemical peels and botox. You know the look. China doll fresh with no discernible character or unique qualities whatsoever. And of course, the L.A. Lollypop People were in abundance –stick figure bodies with great big heads. Imagine a sea of men and women of varying heights all shaped like Celine Dion. Freaks to look at in person, but they look great on camera. Like I’ve mentioned here before, unlike most women in the Los Angeles Basin and surrounding Burroughs, I do not have a desire to undergo plastic surgery or injections of any kind. I believe that I came by each wrinkle through hard work, good fun and a modicum of dramatic self destruction. They make me look like I’ve got a few scandals in my past and that I currently have something going on. Kind of gives me that Mrs. Robinson, “I could show you a thing or two, Sonny” air of mischievousness and mystery that can only be attained by actually having facial expression and eyes that haven’t had the twinkle removed by excessive eye lifts. Shows like Extreme Makeover and The Swan (which is hands down the most EVIL thing on television) succeed in taking women into their embrace and turning them into bad impersonations of drag queens from the 80’s. Which is actually an insult to my friends, the 80’s drag queens. Why on earth would anyone think they looked GOOD after that?

Anyway......I’m sticking to that which is fluffy and superficial today, so I cannot therefore consume myself with disgust over the pervasiveness of TeeVee producers preying on female insecurity and then mutilating those same females on national television. I will go back to talking about ME.

I’m ecstatic to report, that due to my weight loss efforts I was finally able to buy new bras. Two sizes smaller. That’s right, kids. SMALLER. Anti-surgery diatribe aside, I am still a big ole girly girl when it comes to finding great new pretty making PRODUCTS and THINGS not related to forceps, scalpels, needles, scrapers and industrial strength acids….and so my little winter supply shopping spree I’ve scheduled for after work has me all a-flutter and giddy.

2 Comments:

Blogger R said...

I firmly believe there would be no nuclear weapons or terrorists if everyone was able to indulge in a little retail therapy on a regular basis. There is nothing that makes a girl feel like she has sucked in a big ole quantity of laughing gas, like a brand new, perfect shade, of lipstick! Those women out there sound scary. I think there is going to be a disproportionate amount of women with osteoperosis in Cali in a couple of years.

09 November, 2004 19:57  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Retail therapy"....I like that. I do a lot of it, but usually it is in bookstores. I buy books that I don't have time to read. But it always makes me feel good to buy a book, like maybe this time, the answers I've been looking for all my life will be inside.

I agree that the "Swan" show is evil, as are all the makeover shows AND all the reality shows. I've heard that one way to dramatically improve your mental health is to disengage from ALL media for a week...that includes TV, computer, newspaper, radio, nuthin'. At the end of the week you'll be a happier more balanced person.

-Laura

11 November, 2004 17:54  

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