Oedipus and Enzymes and Math, Oh My!

I wonder what would happen if parents actually subscribed to the practice of throwing toddlers into foreign language, great literature and higher math immediately. Their minds are like little sponges, ready to soak up all manner of knowledge thrown their way, which, depending on the family can run the gamut from learning Dad’s liberal use of the word “SHITE!” to shallow sister Sally’s teaching how to wear JUST the right sweater with their underroos, to the uber nerd family’s oldest sibling discussing quantum physics at the dining room table with his little uber nerd friends….the toddler is exposed to much information pre-pre-school. Can’t you just see the home schooling? “uuuuudja buuuudja buuudju boo – yeeeees, Oedipus killed his father, married his mother, had children by her that by family tree were also his brothers and sisters – we call that incest, and we’ll talk about that later in Play dough, Deviants and Society - then he gouged his eyes out, booooodja boooooodja boooodja, eat your cheerios sweetie oodja boo…”

Okay, I’ve officially lost it. Between leaving at 6:30 a.m. for an English Lit class with a bunch of kids raised by Play Station and MTV who are seriously impaired in the imagination department (no, I'm not ragging on the kids, it's their parents I have an issue with, because I consider the lack of imagination to be the result of apathetic parenting by depressed people who don't read), high tailing it for work then the nighttime experiments with bile, putting mice in jars and counting elodea bubbles in CO2, then sitting on other nights quietly doing bone head math for three hours at a go with a professor that has less personality than Tupperware, I’m going mad, mad, simply mad. Not from the school, but the lack of sleep. And I need my beauty sleep. I’m over 40. It’s important. We have far more products that we need to purchase if we don’t get our sleep. Plus any attempt at civility when tired left us years ago, so anyone within a 12 yard vicinity benefits by my sleeping.

I want to be a spongy toddler.